Every single person has them, every single day.
Self-talk are the thoughts we have and the things we say to ourselves about everything we experience in life.
Women who have negative-self talk allow themselves to see things in a negative way and over time they see life from a pessimistic lens. For example, let’s use the example of car backing into yours, causing damage. A negative thinker will say ‘That’s just my luck. Nothing goes well in my life. Always problems so it’s no surprise this happened.’
A woman who thinks positively will say ‘Oh well, it happened and at least nobody was hurt. We’ll get over this. It’s not a big deal.’
When people around you are negative
There are people in life who are just plain negative. For them, nothing is good. Nothing works and no matter what, nothing is right and being around them feels ‘heavy.’ An example is a woman trying to lose weight. She says she needs to due to health reasons, but doesn’t try because ‘I never get anywhere’ or ‘whatever I try I always fail’ or ‘I know I won’t succeed.’
So, she chooses to stay overweight. But moans and groans because she’s carrying too much fat around her thighs or stomach… but nothing changes.
This negative self-talk is draining when you are around it and my advice is this: stay away from negative people. They do nothing to help your energy, your self-belief or your soul.
Self-talk and self-esteem
We cannot control the thoughts that pop into our mind. They are just thoughts. But we can control what we do with them. We can learn that whatever thoughts arise, we can turn them into positive ideas and ways of looking at things if we try.
The more we think positively, the better we see ourselves, life and the challenges in it and the higher our self-esteem and self-worth become. When we think positively we act in a positive and happier way, meaning we live better. We back ourselves more and we have a ‘can do’ attitude that permeates throughout our life.
Having high self-esteem is critical to us as women. We need to feel good about ourselves and rate ourselves highly. We need to see that we are important and we matter – big time! Because if we don’t, who will? If we don’t value ourselves and who we are, it will impact everything we do over time.
What we say to ourselves versus what we say to others
Often these are the same. If our self-talk is negative, we come across negatively to others. Because that is our lens through which we see the world. And negative people are not popular. Others don’t want to hang around them because they drain energy. They’re too heavy emotionally to hand out with.
The other thing people do is to think negatively about things, but tend not to say or behave negatively in front of others. This incongruence often causes self-doubt and eats away at a woman’s confidence, which impacts how she sees herself and her life overall.
High self-esteem, a positive attitude is being optimistic are everything to success in life. Everything!
Learning how to have positive self-talk
The way we look at life can be changed, which is good. This means that if you tend to see things from a negative lens, you can learn to think more positively moving forward. But it takes effort, time and practise. So what can you do?
- Start everyday with a positive thought /affirmation.
- Focus on all the good things in your life – no matter how small.
- See the silver lining around each cloud – try to see at least one positive thing in a challenging situation.
- Whenever things don’t go well, look for 1 lesson out of it.
- Challenge negative self-talk. When you realise you are thinking negatively, say STOP! Now reframe that thought into a more positive one.
- Focus on the now.
- Hang around positive people at work, home and out and about.
- Celebrate your success.
- Let yourself have fun and enjoy life’s great moments.
- Choose a mentor to help you get your thinking straight.
- Ask a friend to challenge what you say for a few months to practise saying positive things to others around you.
The benefits of positive self-talk
There has been much research about positive thinking and the value it brings to our lives.
- It helps our health overall
- It makes us happier and enjoy life more
- It eliminates or reduces depression
- It keeps our energy levels high and reduces our stress
- The process is actually a domino effect in terms of our overall health. Those who think positively feel happier and more contented with their lives.
- Positive self-talk turns negatives experiences into positive ones, helping you do better, go further, perform more effectively.
If we master the art of positive self-talk and use it as part of who we are and how we see life, then we live more happily and healthily and that is purposeful in itself.
So many women feel their lives are designed to provide for others. Too cook, clean, taxi children around and make sure that everyone – the family, friends, the village – is thriving, but often at our own expense.
Stage 2 of our Be Unstoppable online women’s empowerment Program looks at the valuable life you as a woman can lead, increase your self-esteem and how critically important you are in designing your own path and journey. How you see you and your experiences greatly shapes the woman you are. To have so much to love, live and enjoy.
The Be Unstoppable Program has been written for all women around the world, no matter where you are, to help you take control of your, feel more confident about you and it gives you ways to be more resilient, manage stress well and communicate more assertively.
Find out more here: www.empoweringwomenthtothrive.com
Or you can chat with us about any concerns or ideas you have about how you would like to improve your life. Book a free discussion on https://my.timetrade.com/book/QGY21.
Picture courtesy Hudson Hintze Unsplash